How To Embrace What Makes You Different.

Human beings are pack animals. We are wired to belong. We want so desperately to be accepted and validated for who we are.

That is why daring to let our otherness and awkwardness shine through is risky.

We all have experienced some level rejection or criticism when we just did not fit in. Whether it was on the play ground our around our kitchen table the experience of being the odd person out is painful and one that we don’t want to have to relive. That is why as adults we we have a tendency to minimize and hide that which makes us different, or as I like to say, that which makes us an outlier.

In branding there is a phrase “a point of difference”. It refers to the various factors that establish a brand’s differentiation (the way in which the products or services of a company differ from its competitors). By having a point of difference, a company offers consumers a reason to buy their specific product or service.

In our personal and professional lives the same tenet holds true. Your uniqueness provides a reason for why someone should choose to work with you over another person with similar credentials. It doesn’t matter if you are wanting to be hired by a corporate conglomerate to work in the IT department, a startup to run the creative team or by a client to bring you in as a consultant, everyone needs a point of difference that allows them to stand out from the crowd.

Moments where we are worried of physical threats or assaults aside, flaunting our uniqueness is more likely to land us where (and with who) we want to be. So then how do we nudge ourselves to move past our wiring and experiences to embrace standing out even though we know we could (and likely will be) judged or rejected?

In my work with clients I teach them the being an outlier has benefits and the way to access the benefits is to shift our perspective on belonging. Belonging is of course important. We all need a sense of community. However, fitting by shunning away the parts of ourselves that are left of center for our profession or community isn’t belonging in the truest sense. It is blending, bending and compromising. To belong we must strive first to be honest with who we are and be willing own who we are proudly.

In order to be irreplaceable we must be different — Coco Channel

Benefit #1 Authenticity (is attractive) and it leads to confidence.

The only action that leads to confidence is choosing to be authentically ourselves. Spending time berating ourselves via guilt trips and shame sessions only keep us stuck. Also, pretending we are something that we are not will never lead to confidence.

Shifting our focus to acceptance about who we are and having a sense of levity around our flaws (real or perceived) allows us to be more optimistic, more engaged and more willing to put ourselves out there. The better we think about ourselves, the better we feel about ourselves, the better we show up in the world, the better actions we take, the better results get and the more confidence we accrue.

What’s more, people are drawn to those who believe in themselves. We trust people who are authentic. We are intrigued and at times, mesmerized by those who dare to be different and bold in their philosophies, approach and appearance. This is because we all share an instinctive human pull to fit in and quite often minimize ourselves in order to have others see us as normal or acceptable.

When we come across those rare people who fully own who they are we are taken aback by their bravery, we admire their commitment to being themselves and we want to keep them around because they inspire us to live truer to who we are.

If you want to build a following, a business or a resume, be a person that people see as brave, admirable and inspiring.

Benefit #2 Being Different is Memorable.

People spend so much time and go to great lengths to blend in. From changing our hair to changing the pitch of our voice, many of us will stop at nothing to belong. But by homogenizing our looks, our perspectives and our styles all we do is strip away that which allows us to stand out in someone’s mind. We lobotomize any chance we have to leave an intriguing impression by blending. If you want to be remembered, well then you need to stand out.

Honing in on what you admire or value most about yourself, even if it is uncommon or a little awkward and leveraging it puts the power in your hands and is the fastest way to build confidence and pride but it is also the best way to add value and contribute.

Benefit #3 You are the Subject Matter Expert.

We can offer a great level of expertise in all the places and spaces that we are different.

When we embrace that which makes us different we are clear with ourselves and others that the reason why we should be hired, followed or listened to is because we offer a level of knowledge and understanding that the next person just doesn’t have.

We truly have the “stuff” that others need. Do not be afraid to claim this. The mix of the adversity that we have felt because of our differences, the breath of perspective that we bring to our work and life because of our unique point of view and the wisdom we have developed by understanding our own selves allow us to contribute in ways others just can not.

Benefit #4 It Allows You to Discover your Superpower

Embracing and learning to lean in to the parts ourselves that we have hidden or downplayed allows us refine and discover strengths we never we had. Our greatest value add comes from what makes us different. If we never take the time to embrace difference than we will never be able to share it with the world.

There are plenty of things we can all do to start living truer to who we are. Starting with small steps allows us to get comfortable with being vulnerable This can be something as small as opting to incorporate our true selves into our style of dress like adding a pop of color to your suit or as big as deciding that your trademark from here on out will be wearing funky socks or scarves.

A layer deeper, we can decide that we will no longer mute ourselves in conversations, or that we will update our business cards or resume to be funkier than is considered acceptable for our line of work, but fully reflective of who we are as a person.

A layer deeper yet, we may decide to speak or write about our point of difference and perhaps even mentor others. And, most boldly of all, we may even decide to make a big ask of our employers, clients or peers.

Whatever you choose to do, please know this: embracing what makes you different is the first step to fully becoming your true self and cultivating that sense of belonging that we all desperately want to feel.